Saturday, September 17, 2011

A Child's Perspective Always Changing

I love the wisdom/perspective I get from other moms. God is so gracious to let us have different experiences together even if we live miles apart. If you are a mom, you will share experiences with other moms one way or another. They may not be exact but they are close enough that we can understand each others fears, joy, concern, and hopes.

Today's technology just opens the door to more moms that can feed into our lives. I loved signing on to Facebook and seeing a friends post at the top of my news feed.

"Ahhh the life of a mom, as seen from a child's perspective ....
Hang in there moms! :)"

  • Needed (1-3yrs)
  • Adored (4-11yrs)
  • Abhorred (12-14yrs)
  • Ignored (15-19yrs)
  • Needed (20-40yrs)
  • Adored (41+)
by Beth Cox

As I have children from 20 down to 3 I have to say she has nailed it! We need to remind ourselves of these stages and not take offense as they grow and change. These different stages only become hard when I as the mom take offense vs loving them along the way. Our own insecurities and fears seem to rob us of good judgement knowing these stages will change. We get focused on WHAT happened to my precious child. Instead of, Oh child I love you anyways!

Notice how the years of being needing and adored are far longer than those teen years. Keep pressing on moms! Your children need you even when they appear they don't care. Don't let those few short years destroy your relationship with you reacting to their pulling away. You can hold on to the fact that this season in life will move on. No different than sleepless nights with a baby, potty training the toddler, or reminding that teen one more time to pick up their STUFF.

  • Those early years, grab another mom (because you aren't alone) as you share how those 1-3 year olds are zapping the energy out of you because of constant care.
  • Laugh with a friend as you love the years when your children 4-11 want to play games, cook with you in the kitchen, still desire to sit in your lap or give you a hug in a moments notice.
  • Share with other moms that they aren't alone as their kids from 12-14 could care less what they say as you fear you have messed up their training in some way. (They still hear you they just don't want speaking wisdom into their lives is still necessary!) They are finding their way and in the process they are going to roll a few eyes!
  • Spend time on your knees as you parent the 15-19 year old (we need to at every stage but this one is vital). These kids can think faster, move quicker, and throw you off course before you can blink! I love this age at the same time I feel the most inadequate as a parent than any other stage! They don't appear to have learned anything through the previous years of our training. But as I discover this is when they are trying to figure out where they stand! I could spend hours talking about this age group. We need to let them stumble through this stage and be available when they don't understand why things are falling apart. They need me to hug them through those trials and not point a finger saying...I told you so! They need me to lead the way to forgiveness not heap guilt on their every thought and desire (as selfish as it may be). They need me there to process as they are deciding "what do I believe" at the same time they will be rejecting what I share (don't take it personal). THIS is when it is hard as a parent to let go and let God. Speaking truth, allowing them to turn away, trusting that God will lead them back without my nagging! This might be the stage that needs others more than any other! As babies you just need someone to understand how tired you are and hug you to press on. This stage you need someone to share I have been there, let you share, pray together, and encourage you to press on.
  • Enjoy the ages of 20-40 as they allow you back into their world. They want to hear what you know. They no longer judge you or roll their eyes, they are curious and want to hear. It's a feeling of peace as they invite you back into their world. Don't burn bridges in the other stages and you will enjoy walking together again. Side by side as adults looking to make a difference in the world, live for Christ, and loving one another for who you are verses what you want them to be. An age of acceptance as they need you to share wisdom on how to cook that roast, clean that bathroom (even though you taught them how their entire teen life), how to mend a broken heart, to put together a wedding, or move to another state and set up a home with a new job, to love a spouse, or understand how to get through labor, or cry for the child that isn't coming their way. These are wonderful years to walk WITH one another as they need you one more time.
  • I can't speak for experience with the 40+ stage, not there yet. But I can see it from my perspective with my own parents. I look forward to these years to approach with my own children. My parents walked through each of the previous stages with me, loving me when I was unlovable and teaching me when I wasn't sure I wanted to be taught. I love their persistence to hang through the tough years knowing better times were to come. Yep, they have my adoration! I am who I am, because I had parents that stayed on their knees and pointed me back to the Father!
You know I love to quote it so here it comes, "The days are long but the years are short!" by Tim Kimmell.

You never know who God will put in your path along the way. Thank You Beth Cox for sharing your words of wisdom on Facebook that prompted a blog post! IF you are thinking of taking a Disney Vacation you should meet Beth. This woman is good to know! And I am quite sure she knows how to help you create a wonderful memory for your family! (Maybe one day we will get there!) Here is a little walk down memory lane...

My neighbor and friend.
The early years of her parenting and prior to our marriage (1990) I think.
(To my current church buddies...the Elliff's relatives, they are everywhere! ...LOL)

The Cox Family

The Williams Family (2009)

Now, we are two moms walking similar paths miles apart
but still able to invest in each others lives!
There is no greater joy than watching our children grow!

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