Monday, May 16, 2011

It's In God's Hands

Ever had a prayer request that was so out there it was completely up to God to fulfill?

Ever had to take a step of faith on something that when you looked at reality you would say, "this is stupid to even try?"

Ever wondered if stepping out on such big faith is just ignorance?

That is where we are these days. I guess most of our prayers have been more reachable or they have been something that we really did totally trust God in. In regards to our growing family we depended upon God to provide. He has come through everytime! Yet I doubt?

Our faith walk tends to come more through trusting God with our finances than anything else. We struggle with this more than any other area. And yet...we have a family of 10!!! I would say he has been very trustworthy with our finances!

We have kids in college that are having to learn how to pay for their education. Sometimes we are sad about that and other times we just totally trust the Lord is working through that situation to develop character in them.

When faced with medical bills and feeding our clan it is a step by step process in watching God provide year after year.

For me, I am faced with my biggest challenge with this latest prayer. Hoping to see an atheletic son be able to go to a christian school to play sports. This is his God given talent that with little training he succeeds every time. His heart longs for team sports since the day he was 2! He would cry when we turned on cartoons, THIS boy wanted sports of any kind! This often caused my husband and I to just crack up. WE would flip channels and watch his face light up with excitement then fall to despair at a cartoon! Maybe all that sports watching was feeding his little brain!

I know in my heart that God can provide if He chooses. He can provide our desires in ways we never see coming. But then I look at the paper (the numbers) and FREAK. Then the thought of this is INSANE!

Maybe I am struggling with this more because I have taken on my son's desire kinda like taking on someone elses offenses. God grants grace to the one in the moment. Not those who take on a burden that was never theirs to carry. I think it is evident I have taken on my child's dream and have lost sight of my role. My momma's heart is squeezing in where I need to let God dwell!

My faith is flip flopping all over the place these days. One minute I am in perfect peace and then the next second I am having panic attacks! This yo-yo faith is about to drive me nuts! And yet, WHY? God is still God. My son can still get an eduation that he needs. He will excel where ever God puts him.

Surely I have seen God's grace enough to know His ways have ALWAYS been better than mine. Often I don't see it until after the fact. I need to remember God sees the whole picture and I only see today!

Yep...I have definitely taken on a worry that is not mine to hold.

I love that we have a son that appears to be completely okay with what God decides. This is definitely an instance his steady, unwavering faith is how God is blessing me. Maybe this entire process has been more about me seeing the man he is becoming than the school he attends?

Thank you Lord that I may battle this one out but I have a son who is unmistakingly resting in your arms.

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