- Fear of the financial burden that may be put back on the family with unknown test and their cost.
- Fear in talking to a doctor that might not like the thought of me asking about how to fight this naturally.
- Fear of them trying to scare me to death into strong medication is not something I want to face.
I am NOT opposed to taking meds I just want to make a wise decision that is best in the long run. (I have an entirely new appreciation for the battle so many face when looking into cancer or other severe medical decisions.)
*You know, there are just some days when the emotions are just sitting on your sleeve and I feel like today is one of them.*
Knowing that I was able to control this some with diet change is HUGE! I experienced 5 weeks of bliss. Now I am faced with some of the problems resurfacing and I struggle to get back to controlling my environment.I have found that when I run around like a crazy woman I have no time to focus on what I need to focus on for me. From laundry to dishes, tennis to church, school to academy, boys to girls, teens to toddlers, small group to church events, meals to more meals and more meals with this crowd I am discovering I better make time somewhere to do this!
The problem is I DON'T WANT TO FOCUS on me! I want to do the job I have always done in caring for my family and keeping the household in forward motion. So today as I take a moment to shed some tears, to dig into God's word for comfort, and run downstairs to stop the childhood squabbles I hope to be in a better frame of mind in a few hours!
Shannon~
ReplyDeleteI absolutely can relate to your feelings! I feel exactly the same. You know that I overcame Multiple Sclerosis symptoms through a natural regimen and I had just had my second child when I started. He was 9 months old. In addition to how bad I felt that I was having to focus so much on myself and my eating and my habits... I also felt like I was spending my kids's college money or our retirement, etc. because it really was an investment in me. But my conclusion--and I'm pretty sure I'm right :)-- was and is that I keep this show running (with the obvious partnership of Jason) and what I felt my kids did not deserve was a sick mom. I've heard of people who were raised by sickly moms (obviously not the mom's fault!) and that fact really defined everything about the family's life and the child's memories. It is terribly sad. So... I know the struggles about the pain and the discouragement and wanting your life to be normal... and thank God you're by nature much more positive than me because I had a very hard time with that! You are amazing! But now that it comes to you finding out all your options and choosing avenues, remember that focusing on yourself for a while now means focusing on your kids and family for the great, great majority of their lives! THey will not remember a 6 month period of mom focusing on her health and you owe it to yourself and them!!!!! :)
In an interesting sidebar, back in October I got a massive kidney infection that almost landed me in ICU. It seemed to "reset" my body and I've been struggling since then to regain my health. The problem is that I'll follow a nutrition regimen for a while and then go back to my m&ms and my body wasn't well! So I know what you mean about how hard it is! I know it's only the grace of God that I followed the program (as strict as it was!) the first time and will only be the grace of God that I can do it as well again! I've started it again strictly for 2 weeks and at 6 weeks is when I started seeing a significant difference my first time around (3 years ago) and by 10 to 12 weeks, I was a different person. So it's really not that long! My symptoms this time are actually a little varied but among them are the beginning signs of rheumatoid arthritis! I have a doctor's appointment on THursday to hear about the blood work. I may be asking your advice! And I'll let you know if this program I"m on for the arthritis symptoms works as well as it did for my MS symptoms! (It's a different set of supplements from my nutritionist but the same concept.)
I'll absolutely be praying for you! I know your heart is like mine--to be a mom and wife to the best of your abilities. So we need to get ourselves well so we can be!! :)
Love~Laura (Forester)