Friday, December 11, 2009

Change Is Coming and Not Sure I Can Handle It

It's 5:00 a.m. and I can't sleep! Not a happy camper that I am awake, in pain, and will have a house in full action very soon. I need to be a rested mom!

My mind is full of conflict the last several days. Wondering what changes I need to make as we learn to fight my body with limbs or joints that decide to quit for a day or two. Nothing like a little pain to get you motivated to make some big changes. And yet, I feel very overwhelmed to make changes when I have little time to accomplish the day in and day out of raising 8 kids. To focus on me is a little tough!

This is where God steps in. I am so thankful for a Lord that gives me grace to handle tomorrow just when I need it. Now, if I could just get my mind to remember that little fact!

Knowing I can't get in to the specialist until late February and yet having joints that quit twice a week has motivated me even more to not wait. Thinking and learning what I can do from my end and realizing the foods we eat can play a big role and I am looking to change years of eating habits. My biggest concern? I will fail:/

It looks like I will be making a LOT of changes.

Problem is change isn't something this woman enjoys. Again, a crazy fact considering I have 8 children. In my 19 years of marriage we have gone through some changes!

Pregnancy within 2 weeks of marriage - CHANGE
Move across town for husbands new job with new baby - CHANGE
Have 9 month old and discover new baby coming - CHANGE
Learning that previous pregnancy by yourself and current pregnancy with a toddler VERY different experiences - CHANGE
Move to a home vs apartment life - CHANGE
Realizing 2 hands does not equal being able to handle 2 children - CHANGE
Have 18 month old and 9 month old and realizing baby 3 is on the way - CHANGE
Loss of baby - my world is rocked - CHANGE
Battle of feeling inadequate at losing child, learning to handle 2, and being a wife to a youth minister and finding my life will constantly be CHANGING!
You guessed it...ANTOHER number 4 is on the way!
Husband realizing God is moving him to another job and no idea what that is and baby 4 flips 3 weeks before birth, c-section - CHANGE
2 job changes (transition time) and moving with 3 children under 4 not an easy task - CHANGE
Living in an apartment and 9 months after first son born discovering baby #4 is on his way -CHANGE
Job transition again, move in with parents with 4 children, (its been 9 months) and a trip to Russia discovering day before we leave, baby 5 is coming!
3 weeks in Russian my very first time away from the kids and I go for 3 weeks - CHANGE
Move across town to a home, working a job my husband loves, having 5 children and time to homeschool!
We welcome 2 more children into our lives! Homeschooling various children with a baby, toddler, a boy who thinks he is my caregiver, 2 little girls and one being strong willed - mom has lots to learn!
hmmm, didn't mention the church changes in there, building new friendships and serving in new ways.
Job change, living without a job for several months and 7 kids, learning to trust God - CHANGE
Move to another state - big change for me and the family! Change in job and teens who are not so sure mom and dad know what they are doing moving to Arkansas.
Buy a foreclosure home, 10 acres, within 3 months have $700 electric bills major plumbing issues from a house we bought thinking we were on city only to discover we were on a septic system that my husband swore we would never do again and realizing we WILL move again, did I mention discovering baby # 8 thrown into the mix?
A move the day before Thanksgiving, a baby coming that made me sick the majority of the pregnancy, homeschooling, teenagers, children, boys, girls, hormones, toddlers, licensed drivers - a lot of change.
And now? I am battling possible RA and more change is ahead. If I can handle all that above which is only a tip of the changes we have gone through, then surely this change I can do!
Because all of those changes have brought us to a home we love.
A job my husband enjoys.
My children LOVE Arkansas.
We are surviving homeschooling.
Each child has brought new stages of life that we have adored!
A church home that is blessing EACH of us!

So what am I worried about? I might have a lot of changes coming but my God is the same God today that He was then. I can rest assured that I won't be alone as I make these changes. And who knows, I am thinking I might get a new thinner body out of the coming days! Keeping 10 lbs per child....THIS could be a great thing!

Changes, have you experienced changes? Do you know God is God and he provides amazing grace? Amazing what 30 minutes of blogging can do to relieve the stress, the pain is subsiding and I feel rest coming. What are the chances the kids will sleep in and give me a few more moments to snooze?


  1. Sometimes blogging can seem like an impersonal relationship with others, but your post has really given me a way to pray for you. So sorry to hear you're in pain. I will be praying for God to touch your family and bless you for all your obedience in the past. Thanks for sharing.

  2. May the Lord give you sweet rest, Friend.
    Change, yes. The Lord's faithfulness in it - YES!

  3. Thanks for your prayers friends! Amazing how technology just opens life up to more friends:D
    Love how a little rest is making my day better. God is God and life goes on! I would appreciate your prayers as I begin reading and learning a new way to do life.

  4. You'll be glad you are willing to make some changes. My mother developed RA around this age and did not make changes, only took the many drugs prescribed. I know it helps with the pain but she still has had extreme joint damage and numerous surgeries. I truly believe much of that could have been avoided with some dietary changes. It will be worth it, and, yes, God will be faithful through it all!

  5. Oh friend. Can I encourage you to read "Stepping Heavenward" by E. Prentiss? It is a Lamplighter Publishing book. And I KNOW you do not have time to read but if you could read this book I PROMISE you will be blessed. It was written in the 1800s when illnesses and poor health were rampant. The woman in the story is a mother and journals a lot about being ill herself and comforting others who were ill. She speaks of how God works through sickness. There is a chance here that your life will include this ongoing disease and it will be your job to discover what God desires from you through it. You are an amazing woman. It is good that you see that major change is necessary. And if that change requires major changes for your family then that is HIS WILL for them too. I will pray for you! Love, M.

  6. I love you, think you are truly one of the most precious women i know, and will continue to pray for you. How will I homeschool so far away from you? You are the one who helps me to not freak out so much :).