Thursday, October 22, 2009

What Are You Experiencing?

So how is your day?

If yours is like mine it is already in full swing with emotions, chores, task, school, children, dirty diapers, spilt milk, dumped salt on the floor, beds unmade, trash over flowing, toilets to be scrubbed, laundry in every room, a couple of squabbles here and there and rain outside!

Yes, I am experiencing something!

I enjoy the thought of blogging because before I tackle all that is here it gives me a moment to regroup. Knowing that I have 8 children and a husband that need their mom at her best it challenges me to capture wrong thoughts and learn to focus on Gods desires! A moment in scripture, a few more to blog, and then the chance to remember and apply all that I've read. Definitely a blessing for me. I suppose that blessing gets passed on to my family.

All these things can be so overwhelming. So much to do and so little time. The frustration of not finishing anything well before another disaster is before us. I realized reading today that if I am missing out on the joy, it is my own fault. My own fault for forgetting WHO I am in Christ and WHO He is!

Reading I Corinthians 4:20 it just grabbed me today. Are we just talking about the love of the Lord or are we living it? I am not a Bible scholar. I consider myself a pretty plain and simple woman. But I do know that whether I can communicate the Bible well with my words or not, I can communicate with my life! Are you living a joyful life?

I can remember the moment that this truth really grabbed me. I was 16 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child. I was nervous through the entire pregnancy and made Barry go with me to every appointment... I told him on this day he didn't need to go with me because we were in the 4th month and all will go as normal now. Only to go alone and discover that day there was no heart beat. I can remember the pain and agony of the thought that my precious one being gone. I remember pleading with the Lord I didn't care what abnormalities this child might have to please let him survive. I would take ANYTHING the Lord would give me. The horrible discovery that no matter how hard I pleaded or cried my little one would not make it to my arms on this side of heaven.

There were so many emotions and feelings swarming my head. My emotions ran the gamut of sadness, feeling inferior, anger, heartache, pain, I wasn't a good mom therefore God ended motherhood for me (it was all about me). I was thankful for a christian doctor that spoke truth into my ears before I left even though I couldn't fully hear at the moment. He said, "There was nothing, absolutely nothing you did or could have done to have caused this. God knew and for some reason He had another plan!"

As the days came and went it took time to grieve the death of a vision I had for my family. The discovery of losing our first born son hit hard and deep! It would take years to really move on. Even though I had 2 healthy precious little girls. I should have been content...I had children. But I wasn't!

I learned through that moment that must be how God feels! He isn't content with the children he has... He wants... ALL of them! I think for the first time I grasped His hearts desire to hold EACH of His children in His arms! My girls were precious to me, but I also wanted my other child! I learned at that moment what He gave up when He gave His son to die for our sins! HE sacrificed! He sacrificed because of the amazing love that we find so hard to grasp. You know....Adam (our 1st born son) didn't have to do one thing for my love. He had it the moment I knew about him. I barely knew about him for 4 months and yet my love was so captivating for him! So how much love would our heavenly Father have for us? He knew us before we were ever born! Since the beginning of time! Are you grasping this???? We do not have to do one thing for his love...we have it!

As the days and months progressed I was learning to understand our loss I realized at that moment, life is short! Not only that but our time is limited with those we are around. And there is more to this life than living a dream....happy couple, a little home, a couple of kids. Life is bigger than us. I was faced with discovering "why" are we here? Digging in and seeing that I was created to glorify Him no matter what the cost. If He could die for me, then I can live for Him.

That was the moment I realized that my life speaks volumes louder than what my tongue can convey. We have a hurting world out there. Who cares to hear from someone whose life seems perfect. What they need to see is can their be joy in spite of my circumstances! Love is unconditional! My love for the Lord is not dependant upon my life going the way I think it should. Nor does His love for me waiver!

Do you know that God loves you no matter what?

Do you know that even though things go wrong it does NOT mean you are not in God's will?

Could it be that sometimes He asks us to walk a different road to be a light to a hurting world?

I hope that in spite of what is happening in your life you are finding the Joy that only God can give. If you are not experiencing that joy, why?

Take time to find out Who you are in Christ and let your light shine!

1 comment:

  1. What a blessing this was to me today. Thank you for sharing your heart. It is hard to understand why the Lord has us go through hard times, but if we do not see His goodness even in the bad times, then we truly do not have joy. God is sovereign over all things, and He has ordained the paths we take, and that ALONE is a comfort and a peace as we press on. God is good...ALL the time!!! His mercy endures forever. It is His mercy that sustains life, and it is that same mercy that will take us home with Him. Heaven gets sweeter everyday....especially when we lose loved ones. What a sweet reunion it will be oneday as we see our little ones that we have lost, and most of all, our Saviour, face to face. Oh HAPPY DAY!!
    (isn't it nice to know that NOTHING catches God by surpise.....he doesn't have a plan B!!)