We are now down to 1 car for 10 people. Not bad when everyone is stuck at home. But not so fun when 4 of them have jobs and I teach school. None of these jobs start at the same time. Nor are any of them in the same direction!
Really....Lord? This is what you are gonna have me do? I am trying to come to grips with it. One moment I am ready for it and then the next I can feel myself on the verge of falling apart. Been working on this all night in my head how to get everyone to where they need to be. I think I have figured it out. My question is...for how long?
Here is what I decided moms just do what we gotta do...I have been in high gear tonight getting it all done...work graded, lessons planned, laundry complete, bills paid, coupons clipped so I can spend the day driving. Car is cleaned and little ones are packed to travel with mom. Gotta get them out of the house so the middle/high school kids can get school accomplished. I did say I missed traveling with a crowd a few posts ago. Not so sure I was ready for this. Although...it is real life!
I really wish there was a little more margin in my life.
Not sure why the Lord has allowed us to get in this position. I am at the point now where I gotta make a decision. Do I fall apart?
Do I trust that God will supply my needs and/or the grace to get through the day? I feel guilty as I sit and wallow at my suffering. When I play it out...I am not suffering! It feels like it but in reality to what others are going through am I really? Barry still has a job, we still have one car, the family is healthy, we have food on the table. We may not know how He will provide for tomorrow. But I do know He does. The human side of me would sure like a peek at that plan!!!!!!
I am still learning to take those thoughts of fear captive, but that just isn't always easy. I am off to spend a little more time remembering, praying, and reading His word. I know in my heart God will not let me fall. But I look with my eyes and then my brain gets going.
Who am I to ask for no suffering? Shouldn't we as Christians expect the suffering on this side of heaven? Aren't I to be the picture to others how God can sustain us. I eagerly await for the Lord to fill me with peace...and He does. I do find I have to ask for it often tonight, as I lose sight of Him. Forgive me for being so weak at times! Many friends and family have come to mind tonight that I can pray for....maybe I need to walk through this to get my eyes off myself:/ Lord...teach me to rest in your hands!!!!