Sunday, September 13, 2009

What Else, Lord?

Ugh! Do you wonder what else is going to happen? When will the break come? How can we keep on like this? You sometimes just isn't easy! I get so flustered with the distraction of 'things'. As if life wasn't chaotic enough now Barry's truck stopped working Saturday morning. guessed it...kinda ruined his day! He fought through it and we still had moments to laugh. Probably had to laugh so we won't cry! This is with us already have a van that doesn't work. Been sitting for at least 8 months :/
We are now down to 1 car for 10 people. Not bad when everyone is stuck at home. But not so fun when 4 of them have jobs and I teach school. None of these jobs start at the same time. Nor are any of them in the same direction!

Really....Lord? This is what you are gonna have me do? I am trying to come to grips with it. One moment I am ready for it and then the next I can feel myself on the verge of falling apart. Been working on this all night in my head how to get everyone to where they need to be. I think I have figured it out. My question is...for how long?

Here is what I decided moms just do what we gotta do...I have been in high gear tonight getting it all graded, lessons planned, laundry complete, bills paid, coupons clipped so I can spend the day driving. Car is cleaned and little ones are packed to travel with mom. Gotta get them out of the house so the middle/high school kids can get school accomplished. I did say I missed traveling with a crowd a few posts ago. Not so sure I was ready for this. is real life!

I really wish there was a little more margin in my life.
Don't you?
Not sure why the Lord has allowed us to get in this position. I am at the point now where I gotta make a decision. Do I fall apart?
Do I trust that God will supply my needs and/or the grace to get through the day? I feel guilty as I sit and wallow at my suffering. When I play it out...I am not suffering! It feels like it but in reality to what others are going through am I really? Barry still has a job, we still have one car, the family is healthy, we have food on the table. We may not know how He will provide for tomorrow. But I do know He does. The human side of me would sure like a peek at that plan!!!!!!

I am still learning to take those thoughts of fear captive, but that just isn't always easy. I am off to spend a little more time remembering, praying, and reading His word. I know in my heart God will not let me fall. But I look with my eyes and then my brain gets going.

Who am I to ask for no suffering? Shouldn't we as Christians expect the suffering on this side of heaven? Aren't I to be the picture to others how God can sustain us. I eagerly await for the Lord to fill me with peace...and He does. I do find I have to ask for it often tonight, as I lose sight of Him. Forgive me for being so weak at times! Many friends and family have come to mind tonight that I can pray for....maybe I need to walk through this to get my eyes off myself:/ Lord...teach me to rest in your hands!!!!


  1. sending you a great big ehug!! I love you girl.

  2. Your attitude is inspirational! I send prayers and hugs...hang in there girl and does anyone have a bike and a job close enough to use pedal power? :)